I had so many hopes for yesterday.
When I woke up, I made plans. Plans, y’all! I was going to deep-clean the bathrooms. Clean out my car (inside and out—a task of epic proportions since I have four smelly boys!). Write all. The. Words. Organize my assistants for this week. Schedule a blog post. Write a newsletter. Also write this blog post (the topic was going to be substantially different). Make dinner, go grocery shopping, and get the kids sorted for school so we are poppin’ and lockin’ on Monday.
Want to know how much of that got done?
*looks around and chews lip*
I half-assed two bathrooms. The outside of the car got washed but the bugs imprinted on the front bumper are still there, as is the Mt. Dew Code Red stain in between the middle row seats from when LL#3 was too lazy to screw on the lid. I wrote a chapter, but it’s not enough to meet any deadline, and the grocery excursion resulted in a lot of junk food and nothing for dinner (which we ordered out. Again.).
About the school prep? I refuse to talk about it because I have no blood pressure medicine. All right? LOL I’ll only say Mr. Locke looked in the laundry room and pointed out laundry would need to be done before any prep that included clean clothes could be done. Great.
Yesterday was a giant fail by all accounts. My little to-do list is still looking at me, all boxes unchecked and I had a moment about it this morning. A FREAKING MOMENT, okay? Like one of those moments where you just feel like giving up because you CLEARLY cannot juggle all the things and everyone else can—just look at Pinterest!—and you just aren’t equipped to be an adult, much less a wife or mother or contributor to society with all those responsible grown-ups. (Who are those people, anyway?)
Then, as I was on the verge of tears because the three Littles wanted the OL (Oldest Locke kid) to take them to school (for the first time ever since he just got his license – SOBS!), LL#3 came up to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his head into my stomach like he used to do when he was a little boy. He looked at me with his big, hazel-y eyes that can get him out of almost any trouble he ever gets into, and grins. “Mom?” he says. “Thank you for packing my snack bag for cross-country. I love how you think of everything.”
*cue the sobs*
I don’t think of everything. Hell, I usually remember everything late and run stuff to the school offices at noon more times than I care to admit. But this occurred to me this morning as his little grin turned into a smirk and then he cracked off something about how he didn’t pick his clothes up off the bathroom floor so please cut him some slack when I find them later (*facepalm*), maybe my failure yesterday was an okay thing. Maybe the laughs I had with the boys instead of cleaning the bathrooms, the thirty minutes I sat with them at watched iFunny videos instead of cleaning the carpet in the Yukon, the time we sat together eating takeout pizza and talking about a teacher they’ve all had and how he’s the best one ever—maybe those mean I really won yesterday. I mean, I failed. Don’t get me wrong. I can show you the thirteen-point to-do list on my desk to prove it. But maybe that’s all superficial stuff. Stuff I can do today. What I can’t do today is get that time back with them from yesterday.
So, yeah, I failed yesterday. And if LL#3’s smile this morning means anything, I’m happy to fail again today.
The holidays are coming and my to-do list isn’t going to lighten. Wrestling season will be starting and smelly laundry is only going to compound. Being blunt, things are going to go from a 10 to a 15 real quick around here. I’m going to remind myself daily that the chaos means I have people to love. <3
*This post originally appeared in the Locke List, my bi-weekly newsletter. Click here to sign up.
It’s the time of year where I want an angsty, emotional read that makes me curl up under the covers and lose myself.
Are you the same?
If so, may I suggest Written in the Scars. It’s one of my favorite books I’ve written—a story about love when it falls apart. When it’s not perfect. When a happily-ever-after isn’t in sight.
Its’ a standalone novel and available on Amazon, Audible, and in Kindle Unlimited. Click here to learn more.